7 Remade Classics Gone Wrong
Everyone loves an unforgettable story, monumental musician, and the clichéd hero. For iconic movie premieres, we dragged ourselves off the couch, channeled our anxious inner fan-girls, and raced to the theaters to see the comics come to life.
Due to these moments, people recreate classics. How is it that Harry Styles can be remotely compared to the greatness of Paul McCartney? How is it that the Fantastic Four can be rebooted for the third time and still suck?
Originals are originals, people. One cannot always be like the other. Let’s take a look at these cringe-worthy 7 remade classics gone wrong in pop culture.
Batman & Robin (1997) vs. Batman (1989)
Batman & Robin (1997) fell incredibly short despite its superstar cast including George Clooney, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Uma Thurman. A Batsuit with defined nipples? Really? It’s already bad enough Clooney, opens up with “Hi Freeze, I’m Batman.” There wasn’t any better entrance hook?
However, Arnold Schwarzenegger as Victor Freeze is the biggest joke of the film. He constantly drops awful one-liners such as, “What killed the dinosaurs? The ice-age.” And “Alright everyone chill.” Let’s not forget this sad attempt…
Thank god he didn’t say “I’ll be back”, otherwise cue…
In short, Michael Keaton as an insanely bad-ass Batman and Jack Nicholson as an iconic bat-shit Joker remains untouchable.
At least both films strayed away from Adam West and shark repellent bat-spray…
Ariana Grande vs. Mariah Carey
Ariana Grande, 22 year old Broadway baby, has been compared to Queen Mariah Carey. They are similar in sound quality (and whistle tones), but Ariana Grande cannot touch Mariah’s status. Mariah trumps Ariana with an angelic five-octave range. Let’s face it, Mariah has more R&B soul, awards (Over 68 to be exact), and recognition than Ariana will ever obtain.
Ariana is phenomenal (aside from her dumb-as-a-stump Nickelodeon roles), but listen to Emotions, Emancipation of Mimi, and turn on every Christmas radio to grasp that Mariah simply cannot be remade.
Hey Ariana, at least you made it out of Nickelodeon…
Karate Kid (1984 film) vs. Karate Kid (2010 film)
Karate Kid (1984) timelessly portrays a socially awkward boy’s journey to beat the big bad bully. The final fight scene with Ralph Macchio urges any watcher to leap off their couch after Daniel’s win with his simplistic yet effective crane kick. Who knew you could learn karate from waxing a car and painting a fence?
Then there’s Jaden Smith… who miraculously learns how to do an unrealistic back-flip in the last five minutes of the film. I mean Jackie Chan made a good Mr. Miyagi, but he’s not that good.
You can be the judge of these fight scenes.
Fantastic Four (2015 film) vs. Fantastic Four (2005 film)
Can’t even compare these two because they are both SO awful.
How can you take the movie seriously when Miles Teller resembles Ted Cruz?
One Direction vs. The Beatles
Seriously. This one is self-explanatory. NO ONE CAN EVER TRUMP THE BEATLES LEGACY.
One Direction’s fan base obsesses over their pop trash looks and empty cliché lyrics. Do us all a favor, and get some decent haircuts.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990 film) vs. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014 film)
The 1990 version wins (even with janky Splinter and non-CGI foam rubber latex suits). Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles requires a quirky, comedic feel with punch lines and lighthearted action. The newest reboot is darker, jam-packed with stressed humor and extensive fight scenes, and lacks refreshing whimsicality. You know the movie’s bad when Megan Fox falls off the face of the Earth and lands onto it.
Tame Impala vs. Pink Floyd
While Tame Impala, a young Australian band, has been praised by Pink Floyd, their synth-pop style cannot compare to the psychedelic music standards that Pink Floyd defines. Nick Mason, drummer of Pink Floyd, called Tame Impala “skillfully raw.” This doesn’t equate the two. Pink Floyd’s albums (ie. Dark Side of the Moon) seamlessly smudge into each other. Tame Impala has nothing on Pink Floyd’s lyric transcendence or cohesive album structure.
We gravitate towards oldies but goodies. As shown, a nostalgic blast from the past can go terribly wrong. Please, no more reboots or comparisons that fall extremely short. Let’s not repeat any of these 7 remade classics gone wrong.
Have YOU seen another remade classic that makes you cringe?